malala

A bro’s guide to the awesome ladies of 2013

Jan 2, 2014
137 Views

Were you left without anyone to kiss at midnight on New Year’s? I bet you’ve got a chance to impress a girl in the early days of 2014, so why not make a good first impression by recapping some of the best moments from the notable ladies of 2013?

Despite the best efforts of the “Blurred Lines” video (directed by a woman!), ladies were rocking it all over the place throughout the year. To help you out, here’s a quick cheat sheet on how awesome ladies were in 2013.

A bro’s guide to the awesome ladies of 2013

Movies

It’s the year of Sandra Bullock. Sure, you saw “Gravity” and it was an amazing feat of cinematography and computer effects, but it’s also a sure Oscar nomination for Sandy B AND a birth metaphor to boot. What more can a woman movie-goer ask for? How about a discussion of why the studio execs would want her role to be played by a male and why it’s important that Alfonso Cuarón wouldn’t allow that? You can segue from there right into a discussion of “The Heat,” and how awesome it was that it was an action comedy starring two women wherein being women is secondary to their stories.

Want to get even more commercial? Why not talk about how no one can resist the charm, smarts, and relatability of Jennifer Lawrence, especially in those “Hunger Games” movies? She’s on sass patrol in “American Hustle” too. Is there anything the girl can’t do?

Or … did you want to talk about the powerhouse acting prowess of Brie Larson in “Short Term 12?”  Or Julie Delpy in “Before Midnight?”  Or Cate Blanchett in “Blue Jasmine?” Or Kristen Bell and Idina Mendzel in “Frozen?”  Not a bad year for the ladies on film.

TV

That ending to “Breaking Bad” was pretty good, right? A super fitting ending to the series, right? And oh, man, can you believe they finally got to the Red Wedding on “Game of Thrones?” That was amazing/nightmare-inducing for weeks! But there is a ton of women-driven TV out there that rocked 2013, even outside of Anna Gunn’s Golden Globe snub and that badass Daeneyrs moment when she gives up her dragon.

You might want to impress a lady by bringing up the wonderful miniseries “Top of the Lake” – beautifully shot and quietly intriguing, it’s more than just your Elizabeth Moss fix between summer seasons of “Mad Men,” it’s also Holly Hunter at her Holly Hunter-est.

While we’re on the subject of “Mad Men,” remember how Peggy was pwning Sterling Cooper Draper Price at the end of this season? Makes one think that despite its name, “Mad Men” might really be the women’s story. Discuss.

If you’re looking to impress an Anglophile with a bad taste in her mouth after “Downton Abbey” left us with a shot of Dead Cousin Matthew, 1 might I recommend bringing up “Broadchurch?” Like a prettier episode of “Law and Order: SVU” with way better accents, this follows the investigation of the death of a young boy in a tiny seaside resort. It also features Olivia Colman and Jodie Whittaker acting their faces off (oh, and David Tennant too, if you’re into that.)

Want something more salacious? Talk about what a great year it’s been for “Scandal” (and a great year for Kerry Washington, come to that) or “American Horror Story: Coven.”

TV: killing it for the ladies.

Music

While you might make the argument that “Blurred Lines” was the song of the year and Miley Cyrus “entertained” us briefly with her tongue-waggling, we know there was more important music news this past year.

The world stopped spinning on its axis when Beyoncé ever so quietly under the cover of night released a surprise album in December. If you haven’t listened to it (or watched every accompanying video), you can still wow ladies with a discussion of Beyoncé’s feminist value:

  • Point out the message of “Pretty Hurts” in which Bey states that women’s self-worth and value to society lies solely in the aesthetic.
  • Is it lessened because she also happens to sing about loving her husband?
  • Can Beyoncé stake her claim as an individual, even naming the album simply “Beyoncé” while simultaneously going out on “The Mrs. Carter Tour?”
  • Does it matter?

If you want a little less argument over what it means to be a feminist, just point out how awesome “Drunk in Love” is. Just umm, steer clear of discussing the use of audio from the Challenger explosion in “XO.”

Please note, other music came out in 2013 that didn’t involve straddling wrecking balls. If you haven’t heard Lorde yet, just say out loud three times, “Who’s Lorde?” and “Royals” will immediately pipe into your current location. Try it. It’s magic. 2

You can give Chvrches a whirl and make yourself wish they were around when you were an angsty teen going through a break up. And although you can try your best to keep Katy Perry out of your sporting events, you can’t keep Katy Perry out of the hearts of a gaggle of drunk single women at 1:00 a.m. on the dance floor because WE’VE GOT THE EYE OF THE TIGER A FIGHTER DANCING THROUGH THE FIRE BECAUSE I AM THE CHAMPION AND YOU’RE GONNA HEAR ME ROAR OH OH OH OH OH OH.

Beh-Behz!

This past year brought us several VIB’s (Very Important Beh-Behz), most notably (regardless of what Kanye says) the birth of Baby King George, a.k.a Prince George Alexander Louis of Cambridge. Although remarkably low-key, stepping out only once officially for his christening, 3 Baby King George was a prominent news source mostly because of his mother Kate Middleton’s post baby weight loss, post-baby hospital dress, and handful of grey hairs. Baby King George also coasted in on Great Britain’s baby boom.

If you don’t have enough to talk about royal baby-wise thanks to his secretive lifestyle, you can always get some mileage out of the Other Royal Baby, Blue Ivy Carter. Ha ha ha, JK! I just said that to make Kanye mad, although Blue Ivy is totally the Other Royal Baby of our hearts. I’m referring, of course, to tiny North West, progeny of Kim Kardashian and Kanye. Possible topics:

Get a girl talking about North West and we’re yours for the rest of New Year’s brunch.

Real life heroes

This year left us wowed by the bravery and strength of many different women. Take for instance, Malala Yousafzai, who was shot in the head by the Taliban last year for daring to advocate education for girls. She made a full recovery though and this year she addressed the United Nations. THEY SHOT HER IN THE HEAD. Say you’re a fan of Malala’s and you’re already at shortstop.

Other ladies who did amazing things:

And yet, despite all these amazing stories, Time somehow thought Miley Cyrus was more of a Person of the Year contender for twerking.

BE BETTER THAN TIME. Give all of these amazing women the props they deserve and get yo’self a respectable lady of yo’ own in the process.

Notes:

  1. Spoiler alert: Season 4 won’t get much better.
  2. Who’s Lorde? Who’s Lorde? Who’s Lorde?
  3. In a (gasp!) replica of the royal christening gown! The original royal christening gown worn by every royal baby since 1841 became too old for wear, so Queen Elizabeth commissioned an exact replica in 2008. Baby King George is only the second royal baby to be christened in the new gown. Impress her with your royal baby fashion facts!

Mel Evans is a Chicago-based writer and comedian. She is the co-host of An Hour With Your Ex podcast.