Summer fitness tips from your passive personal trainer

Jul 23, 2013
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Bikini season is upon us. And since we are past the All-Star break and staring down the barrel of Labor Day, bikini season is almost behind us. For those of us with less than perfect bodies, this realization is a comforting Snuggie and glass of dessert wine. But if you care to enjoy two to three months of the non-cold absorbing UV rays, pounding Gatorade, and using your outside voice, you may want to look presentable.

So let’s review. You’re not training to be the next Thor, but you don’t want to be the T-shirt kid at the pool party? Read on for five passive fitness tips that will actually help you achieve your goal of not being gross-looking while not expanding that much effort.

    • Stand up. Seriously. Are you sitting down? Stop that. You finished that latte like 12 minutes ago, so now you can scroll through your email while standing. This one has a double benefit. You’ll burn way more calories and also not get stare-down treatment by the teen girls with their venti Frappuccinos, not-so-politely waiting for your table. 

 

    • Park far away from where you are going. For people who live in a city, this is easy. Sometimes I have to park six blocks from where I need to be when I am already late. Speed-walking and muttering under my waning breath, “Why did I need to bring my stupid car, that stupid fucking car . . . ” This burns extra calories and adds suspense to my otherwise regular day. If you don’t live in the city, then think about putting 20-30 parking spaces in between you and the entrance to the Wal-Mart.

 

    • Lay out your workout clothes before you go to bed. Let’s face it.When that alarm clock goes off an hour early so you can go on that run that you were so excited about last night, you squeeze your eyes shut and rationalize. “My foot hurts,” right? Wrong. Setting out your running clothes can help–especially if you make it a scavenger hunt. The night before your 6 a.m. run, have a few glasses of wine and stick your sports bra under the couch cushion or your sweat-wicking socks in that crystal candy dish wedding gift you didn’t register for.When you finally find your clothes the next morning, you will be wide awake and ready to go.

 

  •  Act like a cave man. The Paleo Diet is big right now, but don’t forget about the Paleo fitness plan. Those cavemen and caveladies didn’t sit on a rock inside of their rock-hewn home and stare at a picture on a rock. They ran short sprints to evade predators and occasionally developed dysentery from an unfortunate berry choice. Learn from their active hunting and gathering lifestyle. Make sure you are on good terms with/at a safe distance from your pets.

 

  • Be smart at the grocery store. Hey, nutrition nuts, you are nailing it: It’s not all about the exercise. You can only lose weight when you put in less and put out more. 1 When you are food shopping, it is important not to go in hungry. Eat whatever you have at home first so you can replace it with less tempting items. I promise, when you go shopping so full of oil-based pastry cream that your fingers feel slippery, you will think twice about popping those mini-donuts into your cart.

Happy summer, you semi-hottie!

Notes:

  1. You heard me.

Natalie has been a writer, actor and improviser in Chicago since 2004. She has been a mom since 2012. Both are equally hilarious.