poin bowl

Our two college football writers enter the bowl pick ‘em Octagon

Dec 21, 2013
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Bowl season cooks off Saturday which means that the beginning of the end of the college football season is at hand. ESPN commercial clichés aside, bowl season is the most wonderful time of year. There’s nothing like manufacturing an emotional investment with the Poinsettia Bowl if it means having an excuse to avoid conversation with your third cousin, twice removed, at grandma’s Christmas dinner.

This year the bowl season will be even more exciting: Evan Barnes and I will become writing counterparts turned competitors by picking each and every bowl game against each other. What more could you ask for? Two Bro Jackson writers covering the top two conferences in all of college football putting their logic and reason aside and beating the chests of their conference-biased brotherhood throughout an entire bowl season.

Like most SEC fans east of the Mississippi and south of the Mason Dixon, I will beat the drum of the conference that my favorite team aligns with. Don’t get me wrong I will still never pull for Auburn. However, I can’t let a well-spoken California boy like Barnes beat me in a competition involving something that my favorite conference has dominated over the past decade. Plus, I can’t take the Pac 12 seriously with their Charmin-soft mascots. And, it’s hard to take a region seriously that includes a state that once elected the star of “Kindergarten Cop” and “Junior” as its governor. SEC! SEC!

Marler’s picks

New Mexico: Colorado St.

Las Vegas: Fresno St. Derek Carr vs. a coaching change. I’ll take the top five NFL draft talent over the word, “interim.”

Idaho Potato: Buffalo because Khalil Mack is awesome.

New Orleans: Tulane because they’re playing in their home stadium.

St. Petersburg: East Carolina. They have one of the most underrated offenses in the country.

Hawaii: Oregon St. Because Kellen Moore being gone seems more detrimental to their success than their head coach leaving.

Little Caesars: Pitt because Mark May intimidates the shit out of me.

Poinsettia: Jordan Lynch. Because Northern Illinois.

Military: Marshall

Texas: Minnesota because Jerry Kill is awesome.

Fight Hunger: Washington.

Pinstripe: Notre Dame. This will mark the first bowl game Notre Dame has played in over a year with everyone on their team having a real life girlfriend.

Belk: Jesus Christ. The Belk Bowl? I’ll take Cincinnati because I hate him like Belk hates Kohl’s I guess.

Russell Athletic: Louisville

Buffalo Wild Wings: This is the Belk Bowl for shitty chain restaurants. The only way this game would be more laughable is if it was called the Bennigan’s Bowl and the winner was awarded a trophy with 37 pieces of flair. Michigan, I guess, because for whatever reason I still think they should be a good team.

Armed Forces: Navy.

Music City: The over. Also, Georgia Tech becaue Paul Johnson lives for match ups like this. Also, Hugh Freeze is over the season and way more invested in paying for recruits at this point.

Alamo: Oregon. Outside of the Nick Saban salivating from Longhorn nation nothing will be more embarrassing this year than what Oregon will do to Texas in their home state.

Holiday: Arizona St. They’re much more proven than the fighting wayferers under Kliff Klingsbury.

Advocare: Arizona

Sun: UCLA. Virginia Tech made a bowl?

Liberty: Miss St.

Chick-Fil-A: A&M. This will be the most lopsided victory all of bowl season.

Gator: UGA. Because Nebraska sucks, and I hope that one more loss will finally lead to a battle royal between Bo Pellini and 29 idiots in overalls and cornhusk-themed hats.

Heart of Dallas: North Texas.

Capital One: USC. Connor Shaw. Enough said.

Outback: LSU. Iowa epitomizes everything I hate about the Big 10. Slow, boring, and white. Kind of like the plot in that movie “Lincoln.”

Rose: Stanford. They have more big game experience, and it’s hard to take MSU seriously when they play in the 3-yards-and-a cloud-of-irrelevance conference Big 10.

Fiesta: Baylor. Because UCF playing in this game is a joke. If RG3 played QB for the Golden Knights they’d still lose to Art Briles’ offensive juggernaut.

Sugar: Alabama. They were dominant the entire season. Then came the Iron Bowl when they played their worst game of the year, and their PK missed three field goals in one game despite missing only one the entire rest of the year. Also, if you think Alabama will have a repeat of what happened against Utah in the 2008 Sugar Bowl, you’re as ignorant as anyone who actually thought Saban was going to Texas.

Cotton: Oklahoma St. Mike Gundy is an underrated coach, and he will find a way to expose the Missouri defense much like Auburn did in the SEC championship game.

Orange: Everyone claiming that Clemson is going to “pull a Clemson” here’s a stat for you: Before the Big 10 Championship the highest-ranked team that Ohio St played during their 25-game win streak was a 16th ranked Northwestern team earlier in the year. Northwestern took them down to the wire. Then, it lost five straight. In summation Ohio St is a bigger paper champion than Tommy the Machine Gun was in “Rocky V.”

Compass: Vanderbilt. Because James Franklin.

Go Daddy: Ball St.

BCS National Championship: Jameis Winston’s bunch. Not because I’m a biased Alabama fan, but because Florida St. is a complete football team. And, Auburn has been equally lucky as they’ve been good throughout the season. However, this time it’ll be different because they finally have a road game.

Barnes’ picks

New Mexico: Washington State

Las Vegas: USC. Keep an eye on Fresno State QB Derek Carr lighting it up but Trojans end this fun season with first bowl win since 2009.

Idaho Potato: Buffalo

New Orleans: Louisiana Lafayette

St. Petersburg: East Carolina

Hawaii: Oregon State. Much as I don’t like the Beavers, Boise State’s back to Earth season makes this a matchup not even OSU could lose.

Little Caesars: Pitt

Poinsettia: Northern Illinois. Jordan Lynch gets a good chance to go over 2K yards passing and rushing.

Military: Marshall

Texas: Minnesota

Fight Hunger: Washington. Prediction: Bishop Sankey runs for 170 yards all over the Mormon Cougars.

Pinstripe: Notre Dame

Belk: Cincinnati

Russell Athletic: Louisville. Teddy Bridgewater’s final audition before he rises to the top of every NFL draft board.

Buffalo Wild Wings: Michigan

Armed Forces: Navy

Music City: Ole Miss

Alamo: Oregon. It’d be nice for Texas to win one more for Mack Brown but the Ducky Boys’ offense will remind the Longhorn faithful why they wanted a change.

Holiday: Arizona State.

Advocare: Arizona. Enjoy watching the two best RBs in the country in Ka’Deem Carey and Andre Williams.

Sun: UCLA: Time for the Bruins to prove themselves against a decent defense.

Liberty: Rice

ChikFilA: Texas A&M. Duke is legit but Money Manziel’s putting on one last show before he probably goes pro.

Gator: Nebraska. Georgia’s walking wounded gets undone by Nebraska’s running attack.

Heart of Dallas: North Texas

Capital One: South Carolina. Doubt we’ll see a repeat of Jadeveon Clowney’s big hit but Connor Shaw and Co. will feast on another Big 10 team.

Outback: LSU

Rose: Stanford. I’ve been wrong betting against the Cardinal. Good luck, Michigan State, they’ll need it.

Fiesta: Baylor

Sugar: Alabama. Because why would I ever pick Bob Stoops to win a big game?

Cotton: Missouri

Orange: Ohio State. See why I didn’t pick Oklahoma and insert Dabo Swinney here. Remember kids, never trust Clemson.

Compass: Vanderbilt. Time for James Franklin to validate why he’s been a hot coaching candidate.

Go Daddy: Ball State

BCS Championship: Florida State. We all know Winston is a boss on the field. This game will prove how good the rest of his team is slowing down the Auburn triple option.