luck neckbeard

Smoke ‘em, pass ‘em: Week 5

This week the government shut itself down, my favorite player, Djulio Jones, proved he can play on one leg, and in my favorite league I’m 4-0. I’m having the Best Week Ever 1

Imagine if the government never comes back? How great would that be? The IRS would stop taking 40 percent of our paychecks, lobbyists would have to take jobs as baristas in Starbucks where I would berate them for making my Pumpkin Spiced Latte incorrectly, and politicians would go back to being millionaires. Sounds like a perfect world.

Speaking of a perfect world, I wrote this joke specifically for my intro this week and thought I’d share it. It’s a doozy.

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Notes:

  1. VH1 pays me $.25 for each time I use this term.

Kenneth Griggs is a writer and bartender living in Chicago, IL. He has hitchhiked through the Australian Outback; lived in a small fishing village in Japan; climbed Mount Kilimanjaro; and ran with the bulls in Pamplona. He spent six years as a feature writer for a daily and weekly newspaper and has two unpublished novels to his name. But his finest accomplishment is not yet sprouting a gin blossom nose.