Well well, Party Planner! “White House Down” is opening this weekend! Hopefully it will be as entertaining as Jamie Foxx and Channing Tatum were on Jimmy Kimmel‘s “I Wanna Channing All Over Your Tatum” video … but it probably won’t be. We’ll need to plan a party to wrap around this jewel of the cinema. Get ready to drink so much, you pomp all over your circumstance.

First of all, your guests should arrive wearing their very best Jamie Frocks or other clothing that’s comfortable enough so that they can dance to the musical stylings of Maggie Gyllenhaal & Oates, a cover band that plays “Rich Girl” over and over (trust me, it’s better than the movie)


Jamie on the Roxx – the darkest liquor you have in your cabinet
Goldschlager – ain’t messin with no broke lager
Dwhiskey Unchained – The D is silent
Sprite House Crown – Sprite and Crown Royal whiskey
James Woodsford – Woodsford mixed with coke. A drink you don’t often think about but are glad to see around.
Maggie Gin-enhaal – a doe-eyed, slump shouldered gin & tonic with a cute brother
Shite House Down – put salt in any drink to make it taste like shite


Channing Taters – potato skins (not much potato, lots of skin)
Canning Tatum – Vienna Sausages still in the can
Branning Tatum – Raisin Bran with really tiny raisins, looks better than it tastes
Minivanning Tatum – orange slices and juice boxes
Staggie Gyllenhaal – venison that’s generally likeable

The Drinking Game

Drink once when any of the following happens:

  • You see the veins in Channing Tatum’s muscles
  • Jamie Foxx does a sassy presidential one-liner
  • Something explodes
  • Maggie Gyllenhal looks worried
  • A different genre of weapon is used
  • Channing Tatum’s abs out-act his face

SOCIAL: Drink for 10 seconds anytime the action stops for a pun