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Best Song Ever Draft: Da last Don

Jun 20, 2013
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Check out the earlier rounds of the Bro Jackson Best Song Ever Draft: Round 1 / Round 2 / Round 3 / Round 4  / Round 5 / Round 6 / Round 7 / Round 8 / Round 9 / Round 10 / Round 11  / Round 12 / Round 13

You want to feel pressure? The Final Round of the Best Song Ever Draft brings it. In fantasy football drafts, the last round is when half the guys have set the controls to auto-draft while the others take low-risk fliers on fourth-string wide receivers from Division II schools.

Some people handled the heat better than others, which you’ll see here. Some freak out and reach for a Van Morrison song not called “Moondance.” Others scramble to get in picks by their guilty pleasure bands, which is the only way I can explain how Brand New makes an appearance in this draft while Black Sabbath‘s entire catalog has hit the waiver wire.

I’ve seen chatter on a couple of message boards making fun of this list, which is exactly the point. It’s a stupidly impossible exercise to rank the best songs of all-time. When “Paradise City” went No. 1, it was a huge middle finger to both the Rolling Stones (the mag) and Pitchforks of the world, who take themselves too seriously on different ends of the same spectrum. Music, at its core, is fun. Making this list was fun. That’s the point. So discuss amongst yourselves. Laugh. Troll. Maybe even cry. But most of all, hopefully you discovered some new music throughout this process.

And for a draft that started with GNR, ending it with vintage Van Halen is just about perfect. Play us out, David Lee Roth.

ROUND 14 (Final Round)

# 183: J. Klein – “Into the Mystic” – Van Morrison

OH GOD “USE ME UP” IS OFF THE BOARD???? I HAVE NO BACKUP PLAN . . . SO I’LL PICK THE FIRST SONG I CAN THINK OF, THE FIRST DANCE SONG FROM “AMERICAN WEDDING,” AND NOT MY FAVORITE RAP SONG OF ALL TIME (“Hit ‘Em High”) OR MY FAVORITE ’90s SONG (“El Scorcho”), OR EVEN MY FAVORITE SONGS BY ICONIC ARTISTS (“Tangerine,” “Wild Horses,” “Get It Together,” “The Lonesome Death Of Hattie Carroll”), NOPE, DEFINITELY THE FIRST DANCE SONG FROM “AMERICAN WEDDING.”

Nailed it.

# 184 : K. Griggs – “Pass the Mic” – Beastie Boys

As long as I’m choosing based on sentimentality, there’s no reason not to pick this one. In high school two friends of mine and I would drive around in my 1962 Impala blaring the Check Your Head album and getting stoned. It was incredible. Looking back on this I realize how lucky I was to have friends who had such great taste in music (I was also lucky to have an Impala). To see these three go from young punk kids to mature adults and see the music remain at a quality level was fun to watch. And like I said earlier, this group had so many great songs you can wait on them and grab this track 184-overall. This is like the Steve Smith of this draft: old, great, and reliable.

# 185 : D. Kallison – “Fell in Love with a Girl” – The White Stripes

My last pick was way harder than my first pick. I wanted to end strong, to gloat about what a solid team I have. I wanted everything else to slap themselves for not choosing this pick. I ended up settling on The White Stripes classic. They manage to crush your face with a blitzkrieg of distorted guitar and ground-shaking drums, all in 115 seconds. There’s something wonderfully dirty, grungy, and honest about this song–a clear heir of Nirvana but with a dash of blues. It’s beautiful in its brevity and I’m proud to make it my final pick.

# 186 : C. Marler – “Roadhouse Blues” – The Doors

Jim Morrison has always weirded me out. My dad loves him, and I’ve never understood why. To me he never seemed like a musical genius as much as just a pompous and narcissistic addict. However, “Roadhouse Blues” is one of my all-time favorite songs. Blending in a harmonica along with Morrison’s unmistakable voice  was lightning. Something about this song makes me want to hop in the car, put the windows down, and drive ’til I find a roadhouse bar that resembles something like the Double Deuce.The song also has my all time favorite lyric in any song ever. “Well, I woke up this morning and I got myself a beer . . . The future’s uncertain and the end is always near.” Maybe he is a genius.

# 187: A. O’Connor – “Gettin’ Jiggy With It” – Will Smith (auto-draft)

“Gettin’ Jiggy With It” takes me back to a better time. Before I discovered Sartre and Bret Easton Ellis. Before I thought being a music writer was something I wanted to do. Before I knew what “cynicism” meant, much less embraced. Before I discovered day-drinking. Before I really knew what love and loss really were. Before I knew who were Pavement were. Back when I was pure.

# 188 : R. Rich – “Wild Horses” – The Rolling Stones

After reading the first round of the draft, I got a text from my Dad that said, “No ‘Wild Horses’ in the first round? That’s stupid.” Without knowing he’d send this, I waited until the last round but finally took it. This one’s for you dad.

# 189: R. Ramirez – “Upgrade U Freestyle” – Lil Wayne


Rap mixtapes are the secret society of hip-hop fandom and basically, this is the best freestyle that doubles as a listenable song. From 2007’s Drought 3 mixtape, when Lil Wayne was the best rapper alive and on a codeine-infused hot streak the likes of which we won’t see again, this Beyonce flow goes from nodding jam to extra-terrestrial artifact when he rhymes a thousand things with “e” and rattles off punchlines like he’s reading a customer service prompt in a call center. And then he goes from “I put a motherfucker on ice like the Maple Leafs” to “play the fucking ‘Rocky’ theme” to “damn, rest in peace Apollo Creed.” Tupac couldn’t do that.

# 190: R. Johnny – “She Sells Sanctuary” – The Cult

Another song that made such an impression on me the first time I heard it play on the radio. The guitars, the drums, Ian Astbury‘s strut, almost audible over the airwaves, as The Cult did something nobody did at that time, but it fucking ruled. Make my back burn, baby.

# 191 : K. Gotsick – “We Said Hello Goodbye” – Phil Collins

College. 1986. There was one dude with a CD player. It was rumored that it was Bob Stranahan, the heir to the Champion Sparkplug fortune. Legend had it after he was (inevitably) dishonorably discharged from school, he packed up the top layer of stuff in his private dorm and when the scavengers moved in to pick through the underlayers, they found piles of designer sweaters and over $100 in singles and spare change just laying around, forgotten . . . or perhaps there was no more room in the convertible on the drive back to Taos. Slam-a-ham had exactly three CDs: Slippery When Wet, whatever the Philip Bailey CD was called, and No Jacket Required. The most novel thing about all of this–other than the fact that we would all gather in the world’s biggest a-hole’s room just to listen to music we were told was made by stringing 1’s and 2’s together, which none of us believed for a second–was the bonus track on the Phil Collins CD. Secret music? Why? HOW? At first, we listened to the beginning of it just to prove to ourselves and others that it existed. Once the piano solo ended and the song began though, I became an addict. OMG, “We Said Hello Goodbye” was soooooo pretty! Anytime I was in the SlamPad, I would beg for “Hello Goodbye” and then I would sit there with my eyes closed and listen. And if anyone talked, I would shush them. As you can imagine, I wasn’t welcome back in the SlamPad super often. But I never did give up that song. I still get goosebumps when the drums kick in.

# 192: D. Moskal – “This Train Don’t Stop Here Anymore” – Elton John

I should have picked the Justin Timberlake version of this song. The music video is fantastic. Hopefully he can hone his acting chops a little more and can play him in the Elton biopic. Oh who am I kidding, I saw “Alpha Dog” the day it opened. He’s the Bo Jackson of entertainment.

# 193 : B. Hurtik – “Flume” – Bon Iver

Kids who were in college when For Emma dropped in 2008 will look back on the album like their parents do James Taylor or “Harvest”-era Neil Young. “Flume” opens the album and sets up the soft-strummed heartbreak that is to come. The song makes me want to look out over a frigid lake and have a good cry in the best way.

# 194: E. Strait – “At the Bottom” – Brand New

In the 10-plus years since pop-punk and emo took off, I’ve gradually stopped listening to most of these childish bands that I once loved. Some of that was on me for growing up and falling out of touch. Some of that was on the bands for not growing up with their fans. Brand New is one of the few bands that has continued to evolve. They’re great because they write music from their perspective. It sounds simple but who else did this in popular emo or rock at-large during the last decade? Because of their scene, it starts young and gets increasingly true. 2001’s Your Favourite Weapon was for adolescent nights of wine and roses; 2003’s Deja Entendu was the quarter-life crisis; 2006’s Devil and God is when you get to 30 and resent your friends for staying in so often; 2009’s Daisy, where “At the Bottom” comes from, is about acceptance and working what you love into everyday life because it’s still important and people that forget the joys of a good book, drink, or film can go to hell. The places that you know and love are not yours, but you can’t sleep, so you go to the garage and compose.

# 195: Fantasy Douche – “This Modern Love” – Bloc Party

A good amount of my draft strategy was to take songs that I didn’t think a single other drafter would take. I didn’t do that to be contrarian, but rather to pay homage to some songs that I think are good songs but that would be unlikely to be recognized on a list like this. I like “This Modern Love” is a lot because it seems like what you would get if a garage band had a baby with ’80s pop.

# 196 : Fantastico – “Running With the Devil” – Van Halen

Just listen to this song without any music. Just the vocal track.  If that isn’t rock and roll, nothing on the entire list above this should qualify. Drop a shocker on these hoes.

The Teams 

Fantastico

“Paradise City,” Guns N’ Roses
“Microphone Fiend,” Eric B. and Rakim
“Try a Little Tenderness,” Otis Redding
“Spacy Oddity,” David Bowie
“Let’s Get It On,” Marvin Gaye
“Welcome Home (Sanitarium),” Metallica
“Do You Realize,” Flaming Lips
“One More Time,” Daft Punk
“God Only Knows,” Beach Boys
“Beat It,” Michael Jackson
“Kashmir,” Led Zeppelin
“We Used to Vacation,” Cold War Kids
“Love Song,” Tesla
“Running with the Devil,” Van Halen

Fantasy Douche

“Suspicious Minds,” Elvis Presley
“Layla,” Derek and the Dominos
“When Doves Cry,” Prince
“To Live and Die in LA,” Tupac Shakur
“Real Love,” Mary J. Blige
“Amarillo by Morning,” George Strait
“Chicago,” Sufjan Stevens
“Since U Been Gone,” Kelly Clarkson
“Alison,” Elvis Costello
“Midnight Train to Georgia,” Gladys Knight & the Pips
“November Rain,” Guns N Roses
“Walls,” Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers
“Neighborhood #2,” Arcade Fire
“This Modern Love,” Bloc Party

Eddie Strait

“Billie Jean,” Michael Jackson
“Public Service Announcement,” Jay-Z
“Gimme Shelter,” Rolling Stones
“You Oughta Know,” Alanis Morissette
“Can’t Tell Me Nuthin’,” Kanye West
“Victory,” Puffy, Biggie, Busta
“New Noise,” Refused
“You’ve Got a Friend in Me,” Randy Newman
“Come On, Ride the Train,” Quad City DJs
“Poison,” Bell Biv Devoe
“How I Could Just Kill a Man,” Rage Against the Machine
“Tribute,” Tenacious D
“How High,” Method Man and Redman
“At the Bottom,” Brand New

Blake Hurtik

“Like a Rolling Stone,” Bob Dylan
“Dazed and Confused,” Led Zeppelin
“The Weight,” The Band
“Life During Wartime,” Talking Heads
“Papa’s Got a Brand New Bag,” James Brown
“Jesus Etc,” Wilco
“Maggie May,” Rod Stewart
“Down by the River,” Neil Young
“Say it Ain’t So,” Weezer
“Marquee Moon,” Television
“All Along the Watchtower,” Jimi Hendrix Experience
“Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground,” The White Stripes
“P. Funk (Wants to Get Funked Up),” Parliament
“Flume,” Bon Iver

Deion Moskal

“Welcome to the Jungle,” Guns N’ Roses
“In the Air Tonight,” Phil Collins
“Bohemian Rhapsody,” Queen
“B.O.B.,” OutKast
“Only The Good Die Young,” Billy Joel
“Closer,” Nine Inch Nails
“Beautiful People,” Marilyn Manson
“1979,” Smashing Pumpkins
“Dirt Off Your Shoulders / Bittersweet Symphony,” Jay-Z / The Verve
“Lake of Fire,” Nirvana
“I Will Always Love You,” Whitney Houston
“I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles),” The Proclaimers
“Everlong,” Foo Fighters
“This Train Don’t Stop Here Anymore,” Elton John

Kat Gotsick

“It’s Tricky,” Run DMC
“Hotel California,” Eagles
“Comfortably Numb,” Pink Floyd
“Total Eclipse of the Heart,” Bonnie Taylor
“Have a Little Faith in Me,” John Hiatt
“Turn the Page,” Bob Seger
“Free Your Mind,” En Vogue
“Let it Be,” The Beatles
“All I Do is Win,” DJ Khaled
“Jungle Boogie,” Kool & the Gang
“Blind Faith,” Chase & Status
“No One is to Blame,” Howard Jones
“Time for Me to Fly,” REO Speedwagon
“We Said Hello Goodbye,” Phil Collins

Rumford Johnny

“Jumpin’ Jack Flash,” Rolling Stones
“Rhiannon,” Fleetwood Mac
“Scenario,” A Tribe Called Quest
“The Waiting,” Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers
“Paul Revere,” Beastie Boys
“Blue Eyes Cryin’ in the Rain,” Willie Nelson
“Where Did you Sleep Last Night,” Leadbelly
“Up Around the Bend,” CCR
“Straight Outta Compton,” NWA
“Rehab,” Amy Winehouse
“Maps,” Yeah Yeah Yeahs
“Criminal,” Fiona Apple
“Dimension,” Wolfmother
“She Sells Sanctuary,” The Cult

Ramon Ramirez

“Happiness is a Warm Gun,” The Beatles
“Worms of the Senses / Faculties of the Skull,” Refused
“Cowboy Song,” Thin Lizzy
“Ms. Jackson,” OutKast
“I Was Made to Love Her,” Stevie Wonder
“Maybelline,” Chuck Berry
“Tender Years,” George Jones
“My Boo,” Ghost Town DJs
“Respect,” Aretha Franklin
“In My Life,” The Beatles
“Dance Yrself Clean,” LCD Soundsystem
“Pyramids,” Frank Ocean
“Dreaming of You,” Selena
“Upgrade U Freestyle,” Lil Wayne

Robert Rich

“Shine On You Crazy Diamond,” Pink Floyd
“Helter Skelter,” The Beatles
“99 Problems/Points of Authority/One Step Closer,” Jay-Z/Linkin Park
“Stan,” Eminem
“Paranoid Android,” Radiohead
“Pull Me Under,” Dream Theater
“Eulogy,” Tool
“The Thunder Rolls,” Garth Brooks
“Mirrors,” Justin Timberlake
“Rocket Man,” Elton John
“Wish You Were Here,” Pink Floyd
“I Walk the Line,” Johnny Cash
“Down with the Sickness,” Disturbed
“Wild Horses,” Rolling Stones

Andy O’Connor

“Overkill,” Motörhead
“Your Pretty Face is Going to Hell,” The Stooges
“Desperado,” The Eagles (auto-draft)
“Love Shack,” The B-52s (auto-draft)
“Thong Song,” Sisqo (auto-draft)
“Informer,” Snow (auto-draft)
“Thank You for Being a Friend,” Theme from Golden Girls (auto-draft)
“Rack City,” Tyga (auto-draft)
“American Pie,” Don McLean (auto-draft)
“All my Life,” KC and JoJo (auto-draft)
“Graduation,” Vitamin C (auto-draft)
“Forever,” Chris Brown (auto-draft)
“I Disappear,” Metallica (auto-draft)
“Gettin’ Jiggy With It,” Will Smith (auto-draft)

Chris Marler

“Baba O’Riley,” The Who
“Sympathy for the Devil,” Rolling Stones
“Man in the Mirror,” Michael Jackson
“God Bless the USA,” Lee Greenwood
“Circle of Life,” The non-Elton John version for some reason
“No Diggity,” Blackstreet
“Will You Be There,” Michael Jackson
“Juicy,” The Notorious B.I.G.
“N****z in Paris,” Watch the Throne
“Use Me,” Bill Withers
“Friends Forever,” Zack Attack
“Move on Up,” Curtis Mayfield
“September,” Earth Wind & Fire
“Roadhouse Blues,” The Doors

David Kallison

“Just Like Heaven,” The Cure
“Smells Like Teen Spirit,” Nirvana
“Fast Car,” Tracy Chapman
“Tiny Dancer,” Elton John
“All of the Lights,” Kanye West
“Sounds of Silence,” Simon & Garfunkel
“This Year,” Mountain Goats
“Holland, 1945,” Neutral Milk Hotel
“Blister in the Sun,” Violent Femmes
“The Biggest Lie,” Elliott Smith
“There is a Light That Never Goes Out,” The Smiths
“Killer Parties,” The Hold Steady
“Rebel Girl,” Bikini Kill
“Fell in Love with a Girl,” The White Stripes

Ken Griggs

“Hoochie Coochie Man,” Muddy Waters
“Heart of Gold,” Neil Young
“Dead Flowers,” Townes Van Zandt
“Exhibit C,” Jay Electronica
“Lawyers, Guns, and Money,” Warren Zevon
“Free Bird,” Lynyrd Skynyrd
“I’ve Always Been Crazy,” Waylon Jennings
“I’m Not Like Everybody Else,” The Kinks
“Jockey Full of Bourbon,” Tom Waits
“How Do You Want It?,” Tupac Shakur
“Watching the Wheels,” John Lennon
“Chelsea Hotel #2,” Leonard Cohen
“Sprawl II,” Arcade Fire
“Pass the Mic,” Beastie Boys

Josh Klein

“I Want You Back,” Jackson Five
“Cry Me A River,” Justin Timberlake
“Humpty Dance,” Digital Underground
“Hallelujah,” Jeff Buckley
“Atlantic City,” Bruce Springsteen
“Fresh Prince of Bel-Air,” Will Smith
“Kiss,” Prince
“You Can Call Me Al,” Paul Simon
“With or Without You,” U2
“Let Me Clear My Throat,” DJ Kool
“Two Step,” Dave Matthews Band
“Semi Charmed Life,” Third Eye Blind
“Into the Mystic,” Van Morrison

 

Texas-bred, BBQ, blues and baseball enthusiast.