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Best Song Ever Draft: Round 9

Jun 13, 2013
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Check out the early rounds of the Bro Jackson Best Song Ever Draft: Round 1 / Round 2 / Round 3 / Round 4  / Round 5 / Round 6 / Round 7 / Round 8

As someone on the giant, inbox-clogging, mostly infuriating draft thread said, “Now we’re cooking with gas.” Our brave managers have shed their early round jitters and are drafting  guilty pleasures, brand new cuts, and another fucking Jay-Z mashup.

Evidently people love Jay-Z mashups. Moskal takes “Dirt Off Your Shoulders/Bittersweet Symphony,” which for most people my age is just called “8th Grade.” I love Kat taking “All I Do Is Win” despite the fact that absolutely no one will remember that song a year from now. It’s the Geno Smith of this draft.

Ramirez took one for the team and drafted, “Respect,” the old stalwart that still has the juice. The boldest pick was Rich grabbing “Mirrors” from Justin Timberlake‘s latest album. By far the youngest song on the draft thus far, Rich looks like a genius if the cut takes off, or a total fool if it flops.

I personally took the Violent Femmes classic “Blister in the Sun,” because I have better taste than anyone else. “American Pie” is the first auto-draft that some people will mistake for a serious pick. That sort of makes it the most perfect pick of all time.

Your general managers

Fantastico, Fantasy Douche, Eddie Strait, Blake Hurtik, Deion Moskal, Kat Gotsick, Rumford Johnny, Ramon Ramirez, Robert Rich, Andy O’Connor, Chris Marler, David Kallison, Ken Griggs, Josh Klein

Round 9

# 113 : Fantastico – “God Only Knows” – Beach Boys

I fucking hate the Beach Boys. If I hear one more person tell me Pet Sounds is the greatest album ever, I’m going to throw that person down a flight of stairs. Which makes this song all the more brilliant. I love this song and I fucking hate the Beach Boys. That, friends, is very hard to do.

# 114: F. Douche – “Alison” – Elvis Costello

You have to give Elvis Costello a lot of credit. He was mostly popular over 30 years ago and yet the entire city of Portland is still trying to look like him. But aside from Elvis’ trailblazing hipster looks, you have to hand it to “Alison” as a song. Like any good fiction, “Alison” the song isn’t clear as to what we’re supposed to think about Alison the character in the song. I mean sure she sounds like a real c-bomb. But how many of your buddies have complained about their girlfriends being crazy and then you find out that your buddy is the real headcase and he was going through her Facebook and shit? I’m just saying . . . I’d say there’s at least a 50 percent chance that Alison is a real cool chick.

# 115: E. Strait – “Come on, Ride the Train” – Quad City DJs

A lot of people are taking party-starter tracks, so I’m shamelessly following their lead. Andy’s draft is setting a high bar for this sort of pick.

# 116: B. Hurtik – “Say It Ain’t So” – Weezer

Tell me that opening guitar riff doesn’t have you grooving by Rivers Cuomo‘s first “Oh yeah.” I’m no Weezer diehard. I’ve only listened to Pinkerton once because my more dramatic friends wouldn’t stop talking about it. And it’s true, I really liked the Green album when it came out. But every time I hear this song and those beautifully simple power chords in the chorus, I remember: You’re my boy, Blue (album).

# 117: R. Moskal – “Dirt Off Your Shoulders / Bittersweet Symphony” – Jay-Z & The Verve

I wanted to get a Jay-Z/Linkin Park song, but after the backlash of the previous collab songs I decided to let the heat die down for a minute and go with this lesser known joint: Jay-Z meets the “Cruel Intentions” song.

# 118: K. Gotsick – “All I Do is Win” – DJ Khaled

If you don’t like this song, you need to re-examine your inner winner.

Ed. Note: YouTube when President Obama made the announcement that we had killed Usama Bin Laden. At the end of the speech, when he walks back down the hallway hit play on this song. It’s way more badass than when he came out to it at the Correspondence Dinner this year.

# 119: R. Johnny –  “Straight Outta Compton” – NWA

The music that terrified old white women, made white teens think they were badasses and helped launch the black denim revolution. Seriously, gangsta rap was about defying authority and rising above the circumstances of poverty and violence. Cube, Dre and E-Z reminded you that they weren’t victims…but they’d victimize you if you crossed a motherfucker.

# 120: R. Ramirez – “Respect” – Aretha Franklin

In the realm of headlining classics we’ve ignored for most of this project, this was the oversight moth worth rectifying (sorry, Replacements song I’d planned to draft). An Otis Redding cover by the best pop vocalist of the 20th Century didn’t even have to be particularly good, it was going to soar with these two preconditions. But Aretha tried and it’s one of the most transcendent and timeless things ever crammed into three minutes.

# 121: R. Rich – “Mirrors” – Justin Timberlake

It’s dangerous to take a 2013 cut in a draft of the best songs ever, but this one undoubtedly has the potential to stand the test of time. It’s classic JT, big, loud, and backed by a hook you’re not getting out of your head anytime soon. This is the talented rookie on my team with all the potential in the world to have a long, productive career.

# 122: A. O’Connor – “American Pie” – Don McLean

Fuck America and fuck y’all hoes. Drove that Chevy to the levee, but my pussy was dry.

# 123: C. Marler – “N****z in Paris” – Kanye West and Jay-Z

This American classic combines two of the hottest rappers of the past decade with one of the best beats ever. It’s a song that, despite being overplayed by radio, doesn’t seem to get old. A song with lyrics that cold and Will Ferrell movie quotes? That. Shit. Cray.

# 124: D. Kallison – “Blister in the Sun” – Violent Femmes

Before this song was shamelessly copied and used in a million car commercials, it was just the centerpiece to the wonderful John Cusack vehicle, “Grosse Pointe Blank.” My friend showed me this band when we were about 8 years old and, even though I loved the songs, definitely picked up on the profound creepiness found in the music. The Violent Femmes never made a good album after their first one, but once you write an indie-pop gem like “Blister in the Sun,” you don’t really have to.

# 125: K. Griggs – “Jockey Full of Bourbon” – Tom Waits

My girlfriend and I went to see Waits in St. Louis a few years back. I hadn’t been more excited for a concert since I saw Pearl Jam in college. Waits is not just an incredible songwriter, but also a pure entertainer. Between songs his stories ranged from poignant tales to hilarious anecdotes. As a side note, my girlfriend actually fell asleep at the concert. I’ve never let her forget. “Jockey Full of Bourbon” is in Jim Jarmusch’s film “Down By Law” and it feels like a perfect fit for a film set in New Orleans: bluesy, jazzy, and a mouthful of grit we’ve come to expect from Waits, the guitar will take you places you’ve never been. Hands down my favorite Waits song and I’m glad I was the first to take one of his songs.

# 126: J. Klein – “Wanted Dead or Alive” – Bon Jovi

Here’s the song that spawned “MTV Unplugged.” Watch that video and tell me it’s not everything that was right with America in 1989. Good God, man, that two-necked guitar! It’s no wonder Richie Sambora pulled Heather Locklear.

The Teams Through Nine of 14 Rounds

Fantastico

“Paradise City,” Guns N’ Roses
“Microphone Fiend,” Eric B. and Rakim
“Try a Little Tenderness,” Otis Redding
“Spacy Oddity,” David Bowie
“Let’s Get It On,” Marvin Gaye
“Welcome Home (Sanitarium),” Metallica
“Do You Realize,” Flaming Lips
“One More Time,” Daft Punk
“God Only Knows,” Beach Boys

Fantasy Douche

“Suspicious Minds,” Elvis Presley
“Layla,” Derek and the Dominos
“When Doves Cry,” Prince
“To Live and Die in LA,” Tupac Shakur
“Real Love,” Mary J. Blige
“Amarillo by Morning,” George Strait
“Chicago,” Sufjan Stevens
“Since U Been Gone,” Kelly Clarkson
“Alison,” Elvis Costello

Eddie Strait

“Billie Jean,” Michael Jackson
“Public Service Announcement,” Jay-Z
“Gimme Shelter,” Rolling Stones
“You Oughta Know,” Alanis Morissette
“Can’t Tell Me Nuthin’,” Kanye West
“Victory,” Puffy, Biggie, Busta
“New Noise,” Refused
“You’ve Got a Friend in Me,” Randy Newman
“Come On, Ride the Train,” Quad City DJs

Blake Hurtik

“Like a Rolling Stone,” Bob Dylan
“Dazed and Confused,” Led Zeppelin
“The Weight,” The Band
“Life During Wartime,” Talking Heads
“Papa’s Got a Brand New Bag,” James Brown
“Jesus Etc,” Wilco
“Maggie May,” Rod Stewart
“Down by the River,” Neil Young
“Say it Ain’t So,” Weezer

Deion Moskal

“Welcome to the Jungle,” Guns N’ Roses
“In the Air Tonight,” Phil Collins
“Bohemian Rhapsody,” Queen
“B.O.B.,” OutKast
“Only The Good Die Young,” Billy Joel
“Closer,” Nine Inch Nails
“Beautiful People,” Marilyn Manson
“1979,” Smashing Pumpkins
“Dirt Off Your Shoulders / Bittersweet Symphony,” Jay-Z / The Verve

Kat Gotsick

“It’s Tricky,” Run DMC
“Hotel California,” Eagles
“Comfortably Numb,” Pink Floyd
“Total Eclipse of the Heart,” Bonnie Taylor
“Have a Little Faith in Me,” John Hiatt
“Turn the Page,” Bob Seger
“Free Your Mind,” En Vogue
“Let it Be,” The Beatles
“All I Do is Win,” DJ Khaled

Rumford Johnny

“Jumpin’ Jack Flash,” Rolling Stones
“Rhiannon,” Fleetwood Mac
“Scenario,” A Tribe Called Quest
“The Waiting,” Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers
“Paul Revere,” Beastie Boys
“Blue Eyes Cryin’ in the Rain,” Willie Nelson
“Where Did you Sleep Last Night,” Leadbelly
“Up Around the Bend,” CCR
“Straight Outta Compton,” NWA

Ramon Ramirez

“Happiness is a Warm Gun,” The Beatles
“Worms of the Senses / Faculties of the Skull,” Refused
“Cowboy Song,” Thin Lizzy
“Ms. Jackson,” OutKast
“I Was Made to Love Her,” Stevie Wonder
“Maybelline,” Chuck Berry
“Tender Years,” George Jones
“My Boo,” Ghost Town DJs
“Respect,” Aretha Franklin

Robert Rich

“Shine On You Crazy Diamond,” Pink Floyd
“Helter Skelter,” The Beatles
“99 Problems/Points of Authority/One Step Closer,” Jay-Z/Linkin Park
“Stan,” Eminem
“Paranoid Android,” Radiohead
“Pull Me Under,” Dream Theater
“Eulogy,” Tool
“The Thunder Rolls,” Garth Brooks
“Mirrors,” Justin Timberlake

Andy O’Connor

“Overkill,” Motörhead
“Your Pretty Face is Going to Hell,” The Stooges
“Desperado,” The Eagles (auto-draft)
“Love Shack,” The B-52s (auto-draft)
“Thong Song,” Sisqo (auto-draft)
“Informer,” Snow (auto-draft)
“Thank You for Being a Friend,” Theme from Golden Girls (auto-draft)
“Rack City,” Tyga (auto-draft)
“American Pie,” Don McLean (auto-draft)

Chris Marler

“Baba O’Riley,” The Who
“Sympathy for the Devil,” Rolling Stones
“Man in the Mirror,” Michael Jackson
“God Bless the USA,” Lee Greenwood
“Circle of Life,” The non-Elton John version for some reason
“No Diggity,” Blackstreet
“Will You Be There,” Michael Jackson
“Juicy,” The Notorious B.I.G.
“N****z in Paris,” Watch the Throne

David Kallison

“Just Like Heaven,” The Cure
“Smells Like Teen Spirit,” Nirvana
“Fast Car,” Tracy Chapman
“Tiny Dancer,” Elton John
“All of the Lights,” Kanye West
“Sounds of Silence,” Simon & Garfunkel
“This Year,” Mountain Goats
“Holland, 1945,” Neutral Milk Hotel
“Blister in the Sun,” Violent Femmes

Ken Griggs

“Hoochie Coochie Man,” Muddy Waters
“Heart of Gold,” Neil Young
“Dead Flowers,” Townes Van Zandt
“Exhibit C,” Jay Electronica
“Lawyers, Guns, and Money,” Warren Zevon
“Free Bird,” Lynyrd Skynyrd
“I’ve Always Been Crazy,” Waylon Jennings
“I’m Not Like Everybody Else,” The Kinks
“Jockey Full of Bourbon,” Tom Waits

Josh Klein

“I Want You Back,” Jackson Five
“Cry Me A River,” Justin Timberlake
“Humpty Dance,” Digital Underground
“Hallelujah,” Jeff Buckley
“Atlantic City,” Bruce Springsteen
“Fresh Prince of Bel-Air,” Will Smith
“Kiss,” Prince
“You Can Call Me Al,” Paul Simon
“Wanted Dead or Alive,” Bon Jovi

Austin, Texas. Good with words.