Summer movie time is here! What better way to impress a lady this exceptionally hot (except in Kansas and Nebraska, per the Weather Channel) three month span than with a sweet air-conditioned theater, especially if it’s got those reclining chairs and wine. Ladies love reclining chairs and wine.
But before you buy tickets, take a second and really think about what she might want to see. Before you haul her to the meh “X-Men” movie or more “Jason Bourne,” think about what she really wants to see (yes, “Independence Day” for sure). But there are better choices to really impress a lady this summer that are outside your blockbuster box.
“The Lobster” (already out! And I think you can rent it on OnDemand!)
In this dystopian not-so-distant future, you have 45 days after a breakup or death to find a mate. If you don’t, you are turned into an animal of your choice. Will Colin Farrell and Rachel Weisz fall in love in that month and a half? Or will the Truest Detective end up as a crustacean? Colin Farrell is truly at his best in a sea water boil with a little hot sauce.
“Love and Friendship” (already out! Get it!)
Director Whit Stillman takes another stab at a Jane Austen adaptation after “Metropolitan,” a reimagining of “Mansfield Park” with Manhattan debutantes. This time he takes the unfinished correspondence novel “Lady Susan” and sets it in Connecticut. Kate Beckinsale plays a wealthy woman looking for a husband for her daughter and herself. Early reviews say it is hilarious. And seeing as how Jane Austen wrote comedies of social class, I should hope it would be. Take a special lady to see this and fulfill her cravings for good Austen adaptations (down with Bridget Jones!)
“Me Before You” (June 3)
Oh my God, the Khaleesi is the caregiver for Finnick Odair, who is paralyzed from the neck down. I bet they fall in love! That is very romantic. Also, Jenna Coleman (who was a terrible companion on “Doctor Who” but is great in everything else!) is her sassy best friend! I’m already crying!
“Finding Dory” (June 17)
Confession time: I have never seen “Finding Nemo” because I know I am not strong enough to not ugly cry my way through it. Bring a couple tissues and show her your sensitive side.
“Ghostbusters” (July 15)
Hey bro, I hope you can take some time away from trolling the YouTube comment sections to actually see the all-female remake. But they are tarnishing your sixth favorite movie from childhood! So the F what? They aren’t erasing that movie’s existence; they are giving you another reimagining of it with some sassy quips from Melissa McCarthy and Leslie Jones. The most disappointing part of this movie will probably be that it’s Chris Hemsworth playing the secretary Kevin and not Channing Tatum, as I previously thought. (All swole blonde guys look alike to me!) (J/K, I know the difference between Magic Mike and Thor.)
“Southside With You” (August 26)
The sweet story of the day the Obamas spent together which may have technically ended up being their first date. If Parker Sawyers and Tika Sumpter are half as charismatic and loving as Barack and Michelle Obama, I will watch them fall in love over and over again.