Hot times, summer in the city! We’ve all got to get away from now and September with limited resources. For the 1%, it’s time for camping, beaches road trips, and general summertime revelry. “But Mel,” you’re saying, “I’m too broke and/or overwhelmed at work / booked up with summer weddings to take any time off to actually go on vacation. I can’t even rent a beach house!” Fear not, bros! Here are some helpful hints to go on a cheap summer vacay … right in your own office.

Go camping under your desk!

Take the sweater that your co-worker keeps on her chair because the air conditioning seems to only work in her office. Hang it over your desk. You made a tent! Climb on under there as soon as your boss takes his third vacation of the summer. Tell some ghost stories using the flashlight on your phone!

Sassy summer drinking!

Go to Dunkin Donuts. Buy your Coolatta of choice (I know you have one, bro). Add a rum shot. You have a frozen beverage that you would pay upwards of $10 at any cruise ship port.

Hit the office water park!

Set off the sprinklers in your hallway and run on through! You can even lay down the slippery side of packing bubbles on the floor and use it as a Slip’n’Slide! Or, in a best case scenario, they send everyone home!

Summer s’mores!

Take advantage of an overheated printer or Xerox machine by roasting marshmallows over the motor. You’ll have plenty of time to get that nice burn because printer jams want you to open every single door and drawer even if you got the paper out.

Catch some rays!

Use the blue screen of computer death to sun yourself! Get a nice greenish glow!

Set up an office tee time!

Surely one of the Vice Presidents at your company has a set of golf clubs in his office. When he’s on his seventh vacation this summer, grab that putter and a stack of cups from the break room. The complexity of your cubicle course is only limited by your imagination, bro.

Movies in the park!

Reserve the conference room. Bring in your DVD of “PeeWee’s Big Adventure” or “Ghostbusters.” Pop that into the computer and spread a blanket on top of the conference table. You’ve got yourself a picnic, son. Pack your own picnic lunch (and don’t skimp on the wine) to make it an authentic experience.

Throw watermelons off the roof!

Not really a vacation, it just seems like great stress relief. Watch out for pedestrians.

Actually take a lunch.

No, seriously. It’s well documented that it’s better for your health if you actually leave the office during lunch, bro.

Have a tropical “Lord of the Flies” party

All you need is a conch shell and all the people in positions of authority to be out that day. (Sounds like every Friday afternoon, amirite?)

Don’t let the man get you down this summer! Enjoy a vacation in your own office without spending a dime!