The San Francisco 49ers and Seattle Seahawks have begun their war for the 2013 NFC crown[ref]Apologies to Aaron Rodgers and RGIII[/ref] with Monday’s trades. They are hopeful the spoils include the Vince Lombardi trophy, a trip to Disneyland, and the opportunity to vastly overpay their franchise quarterback. They have made their division a two horse race, [ref]Apologies to John Skelton[/ref] and I’m sure their fans will applaud them for their win-now attitudes. At any rate, the escalating arms race (hands race?) has kept the NFL on the front pages,[ref]God forbid they let a fantastic NBA season have a couple weeks before March Madness[/ref] and you need some sports analysis to read in between articles about events you won’t be attending. Plus two teams got absolutely fleeced and that’s always fun. I’ll leave it to you to decide who were the fleecers and who were the fleecees, but I will never understand trading a proven commodity for a sixth-round draft pick. Do you know how many Hall Of Famers have been drafted in the sixth-round since 1951? One[ref]Shut up Pats fans, he’s not in the Hall Of Fame yet.[/ref]. Let’s do it.

San Francisco 49ers

Let’s play the most overused game in sportswriting, and something you will see a lot from me during fantasy season[ref]only 177 days ’til kickoff WHOOT[/ref], Mystery Players!

Mystery Player A: 97 catches, 1,092 yards, 13 TDs

Mystery Player B: 85 catches, 1,105 yards, 11 TDs

The first is Larry Fitzgerald in 2009. That same year, his last before being traded to the Ravens, Anquan Boldin had 84 catches for 1,024 yards.

The second is Michael Crabtree last year.

I’m not saying that Boldin is the same player that he was in 2009, but the 49ers are getting a fantastic upgrade, and another option for Colin Kaepernick on third down;[ref]Fun fact: The receiver with the most first down catches on 3rd and more than 7 in the NFC? Crabtree.[/ref] Boldin is a big, tough target who knows how to make the catches when your team needs them the most[ref]The 49ers are well aware[/ref].

Their sixth-round pick last year was tackle Jason Slowey, who is both a fantastic tweeter and a proud contributor to the Oakland Raiders‘ practice squad. This year they will be drafting a 32-year-old that may vault their offense to the top of the NFC.  Sorry Ravens fans, Ugg Boots called. They want their fleece back.

Seattle Seahawks

It is not often that you can trade for one of the most electrifying players in the NFL, and when Seahawks general manager John Schneider saw the opportunity, he pounced on it. Percy Harvin started with a 900-yard season, with a penchant for electrifying specials team plays, and both his yardage total and his usage have gone up exponentially every year of his career, culminating in a 2012 season that saw him on pace for almost 1,500. He’s also scored a special teams touchdown every season of his career, which is probably bad news for the Leon Washington household.

Obviously, Schneider is not afraid to trade for a talented skill player with a penchant for bad behavior[ref]Editor’s Note: BEAST MODE![/ref]; that gamble rejuvenated their team and sent them to the playoffs (albeit at 7-9), and he is hoping this one sends them to the Super Bowl.  It’s easy to see why he pulled the trigger on this trade. Imagine the Seahawks coming out in a formation with Russell Wilson in shotgun, Marshawn Lynch on his left and Harvin on his right.  It’s terrifying, and I’m sure Harbaugh will be seeing it in his nightmares all summer.

The Seahawks traded the 25th pick in the 2013 draft, their 2014 second rounder, and a pick to be named later (assumedly a fourth-round pick). Last year the 25th pick was Dont’a Hightower, a very nice linebacker who had a very nice season for the New England Patriots. Some famous 25th picks include Tim Tebow, Jon Beason, Santonio Holmes, Big Game Freddie Mitchell(!!!), and Tommy Maddox. This year, the Seahawks are using their first round pick on Harvin. Excuse me, Vikings, North Face is at the door, apparently you have something of theirs. What’s that? Oh,that’s right, you don’t have any.

Because you just got fleeced.