Bro Jackson is declaring it Gatsby Week. Monday we draw parallels; Tuesday we pass out the suggested reading syllabus; Thursday we do drinks; Friday we plan parties, send a true Bro into an area theater sans context, and then render a verdict.
Oh Party Planner. Oh, the pressure. “The Great Gatsby” is opening this weekend and it is time to party in a way that would make Jay Gatsby jealous. Take a few deep breaths, restock your liquor cabinet, upgrade your swimming pool and let’s get started.
Buy all the expensive retro-vintage clothes that are coming out in tandem with the movie. Make sure you have the finest wardrobe, the newest one that looks the oldest, and don’t forget all the special Tiffany jewelry. Google “inspired by ‘The Great Gatsby'”, and purchase whatever comes up without even glancing at what it is. Rent the largest, most gratuitously opulent mansion you can find.
Oh Party Planner, you don’t invite people to your Gatsby party. Your party is legendary. The people will simply know of it and arrive. The guests at your party should be strangers. Exception: send one invitation and one invitation only to your long, lost sweetheart.
Booze Luhrmahn – Goldschlager served in a fancy glass. Visually stunning. Substance is secondary.
Leonardo DiCapinot – A wine that’s aged for longer than the label says
F. Scotch Fitzgerald on the rocks – A Scotch from the Lost Generation. One sip is full of such excess, you get immediately shitfaced.
English Major Dreamsicle – Orange soda with Whipped Cream Vodka.
Jay Zima – A new take on an old favorite
The Frapper – A spiked frappucino in a sparkly cup with a feather in the straw.
American Dream – A Lemon Drop served with extra sugar. Very sweet … but never sweet enough
Irony with a Twist – O’Douls spiked with Coors. A drink that celebrates what was meant to be condemned.
Doughby Maguire – Vienna sausages that are wrapped in dough.
The Grape Gatsby – Self-made Grapes
The Albacoring 20s – Tuna Melts made in a bathtub
Dairy Mulligan – An assortment of British cheeses
Art Dipo – artichoke dip in a fancy geometric bowl
The Drinking Game
Drink once each time one of these things happen
– You wish that people would still dress like the characters in the movie
– You want to buy the soundtrack
– Despite the cautionary tale that’s given you still wish you were that rich
– Wonder when Tobey Maguire will hit puberty
– You hear something on the soundtrack and clock its connect to Jay-Z
– You try and remember what else Carey Mulligan has been in
– Can’t decide if Leonardo DiCaprio is good at acting smug or just a smug person
Drink twice for any of the following Luhrmann-esque choices
* Too much eyeliner
* Fiddling with one’s moustache
* Reverse zoom from a close-up on someone’s eyes to a wild, raging ocean of debauchery happening in the foreground
* Too long a pause before an evil declaration
Drinking Bonus for after movie
Every time your friends debate if the movie captured the essence of Fitzgerald’s work
You can’t wait for another Great American Novel to be turned 3D (The Old Man and the Sea, anyone?)