The loss of Prince hit us all hard (well, except for that one smug dude on Facebook.) Culturally we have lost an incredible musician and producer, a prolific creator and supporter of young musicians — but we have lost more than that. We have lost the source of 99% of our baby-making music.
Prince himself wondered aloud why Justin Timberlake brought sexy back when sexy never left, and indeed, a quick perusal proves that sexy set up a nice home and settled down for over thirty years in Prince’s song catalog. We all learned about sex from talks with our parents or stilted sex ed classes, but Prince taught us that fucking is a thing. He is the soft core (aaaaaaaand occasionally hard core) porn of pop music.
And so, to celebrate him, I give you this Bro’s Guide to the Best Prince songs to … umm … make out to. Put ’em on, and if that open mouth kissing leads to something else, well … it’s what Prince would have wanted.
“My Love is Forever” (For You, 1978)
Prince’s 1978 debut album “For You” is definitely disco influenced, funky, and full of sexy sexy falsetto. I would recommend the whole thing if you want to get down, but for sweet first base purposes, “My Love is Forever” is a little gentler than “Soft and Wet.”
“When We’re Dancing Close and Slow” (Prince, 1979)
Don’t listen to this 1979 song at work, because you’ll be making out with your cube-mate in no time flat.
“Head” (Dirty Mind, 1980)
DON’T THINK TOO MUCH ABOUT IT.
“Let’s Pretend We’re Married” (1999, 1982)
I mean come on, with lyrics like “Darling if you’re free for a couple of hours / If you ain’t busy for the next seven years / Let’s pretend we’re married / And go all night” and “Excuse me, baby I need your chemistry” courting us, we have all suddenly popped in mints and put on extra Eos lip balm.
“Darling Nikki,” “When Doves Cry,” “Purple Rain” (Purple Rain, 1984)
Look. Nothing from “Purple Rain” is appropriate to make out to if you think too much about it (“Maybe I’m just like my father…”) And yet, everything from “Purple Rain” is perfect to make out to. Just play the album straight through.
“Temptation” (Around the World in a Day, 1985)
Yeah, it might be a little on the nose to play a song that starts with Prince whispering, “Sex. Temptation. Lust.” But then that saxophone kicks in and everyone feels like they’re doing a burlesque act, so you’re back in it no problem.
“Kiss” (Parade: Music from Under a Cherry Moon, 1986)
Like there is any other choice. (But seriously, “Sometimes It Snows In April” is surprisingly tender if you’re into depressing make out songs.)
“Scandalous” (Batman, 1989)
The “Batman” soundtrack is seriously foxy – after watching videos on MTV all weekend, I frequently exclaimed that I did not recall “Batdance” being as sexy as it is (mostly because I was a child.)
“Diamonds and Pearls” (Diamonds and Pearls, 1991)
Good pop beat, good for making out, nice and gentle. It was a tough choice to just pick one song from “Diamonds and Pearls” because …
… “Gett Off” definitely was more effective in teaching a generation how to do the sex than ages of awkward talks.
“Breakfast Can Wait” (Art Official Age, 2014)
I don’t care if it was inspired by Charlie Murphy’s story on “The Chapelle Show,” it is hot stuff.
“This Could B Us” (HITNRUNPHASEONE, 2015)
“Sex with me isn’t enough / That’s why we gotta it metaphysically” Prince is still eye fucking all of us, right till the end.
And if you want more smooth funk in your funkin’, go with “1000 X and Os” …
RIP, Prince. We all know what the last P stands for.