I have just freshly listened to the song “Blurred Lines” upon request from Kat Gotsick, who is debating some stupid boy about the word “bitch.”[ref]I don’t even know what this debate is about but I’m pretty sure Kat’s always right.[/ref] I read the lyrics and watched the video. Then I watched the explicit video. *cracks knuckles*

WHAT I LIKE ABOUT THE SONG

It is indeed a catchy tune.  There are samples/calls to the King Of Pop’s (no, not Justin Bieber) signature catcalls/falsetto/calling card, and while they claim it is a sample of Marvin Gaye‘s “Got To Give It Up Part 2”, it sounds to me like “Don’t Stop Till You Get Enough.”

WHAT OFFENDED ME

The dancing. Those models cannot dance. Their dancing was really offensive. Even worse in the explicit video when they were trying to cover their boobs.

The chair placement. The models were so tall that when T.I. was brushing her hair, they made her sit so he would appear taller. Or when they were standing he would “lean”. His shoes were already “lifts-ish”. David Brent would be jealous.

TI shoes

He blew smoke in her face. As if pulling her by the hair weren’t enough, and making her jump around until you know her boobs hurt, #Thicke[ref]The excessive hashtaggery deserves its own spot on the list.[/ref] then blew smoke in her face. While wearing sunglasses indoors. (I’ll allow for a stylistic choice on behalf of the director, but only blind people and assholes wear sunglasses indoors.)

No one told the one model how to realistically play the banjo. She plucks the neck and fingerboard, not the actual strings. But can I blame her? She was really trying to cover her boobs as much as possible. With a banjo. While dancing. That’s a lot of metal chafing and to think about proper finger picking placement is probably too much. Plus, she just rode a really tall bike in her underwear (see next statement).

He was eating ice cream and offered her none. Come on, #Thicke–they are models. They are starving. And jumping around in crazy shoes and riding a tall, weird bike in underwear doing God-knows-what to her undercarriage and having their over-stylized hair be put next to an open flame source and a rapper with a brush and a baby goat . . . COULD YOU GIVE THEM A FUCKING BITE OF ICE CREAM?

WHAT CONCERNED ME

I’m worried about that baby goat. He did not look very comfortable or okay with the lyrics and overall tone of the video he was being represented in.

#Thicke isn’t comfortable with the size of his penis. Any man who has to purchase those stupid blow up letter balloons to spell out a phrase[ref]Most commonly “GO TO PROM WITH ME?” or “PROM?” for the less-rich high-school students.[/ref] is really wanting everyone to know that’s what is going on. He is worried that people don’t accept how cool he is. He wants a girl to give him positive feedback.[ref]Again, most often in the form of “Yes, I will go to prom with you.”[/ref] So #Thicke needs positive feedback from people, naked-dancing-booby-touching-him-women, nay, all the women in the world (even though he is happily married) that he has a big dick. Well, when I speak of him I will most likely use the phrase “big dick” but it might not be in his preferred usage. Disclaimer: I am not sure this goes in the “what concerned me” section, but I thought it was a big indicator that the only thing that concerned me was the baby goat.