Each week Bro Jackson takes a look at a select group of music charts from across the ranking landscape to see what’s hot, and whether or not said hotness is warranted.
The Chart: MP3 Songs Best Sellers
The Compiler: Amazon
The Description: Our most popular [songs], based on sales.
1. “Blurred Lines,” Robin Thicke (ft. TI, Pharrell)
The song, yeah it’s alright. But the video features liberal use of hashtags, Pharrell groovin’ and pointing at the camera, and TI trying to play along, and sort of failing.
Good for: Practicing your falsetto.
2. “Radioactive,” Imagine Dragons.
The closest thing you’ll get to industrial rock influences on a mass pop chart.
Good for: Something with drugs. You pick.
3. “Just Give Me A Reason,” P!nk and Nate Ruess
Still enjoy the vocal melody, still hate the way P!nk spells her damn name.
Good for: Preparing yourself for this one to wear out its welcome and land in the graveyard of overplayed songs.
4. “Cruise (Remix),” Florida Georgia Line (ft. Nelly)
The fact that this even exists really makes me want to withdraw from the world and write sadistic stories about punching Nelly right in his face.
Good for: Absolutely nothing.
5. “Come and Get It,” Selena Gomez
Nope, still won’t.
Good for: See number four.
6. “Can’t Hold Us,” Macklemore & Ryan Lewis
Still pretty ballin’, still pretty motivational, but getting dangerously close overplayed.
Good for: Creating your own inspirational moments montage for YouTube.
7. “My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark,” Fall Out Boy
Likewise, I know what Fall Out Boy did in the dark: made a deal with the devil to keep this mediocre track on the best seller list for so long.
Good for: Half-assing something.
8. “Boys Round Here,” Blake Shelton
It’s a country song, in which Blake talks the verses, then sings some shit about trucks and ends on “chew tobacco, chew tobacco, chew tobacco, spit.”
Good for: The same things every other country song is good for.
9. “Wagon Wheel,” Darius Rucker
Hootie, is that you? I feel ya, boy.
Good for: Remembering your favorite Hootie and the Blowfish songs.
10. “I Love It,” Icona Pop
No. I refuse to accept this song’s popularity.
Good for: Irritating the shit out of you.