Each week Bro Jackson takes a look at a select group of music charts from across the ranking landscape to see what’s hot, and whether or not said hotness is warranted.
The Chart: Pop Songs
The Compiler: Billboard
The Description: The week’s hottest pop songs, ranked by mainstream top 40 radio airplay detections as measured by Nielsen BDS.
1. Justin Timberlake, “Mirrors”
One of the three best songs on The 20/20 Experience, and certainly the one with the most replay value. I’m not mad at ya, JT.
Good for: Working on that falsetto you think you’ve mastered.
2. Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, “Can’t Hold Us (ft. Ray Dalton)”
The only other remotely interesting song on The Heist outside of “Thrift Shop,” although the Macklemore phenomenon has grown tired very quickly.
Good for: The end of your workout mix, to give you that little added boost to finish strong.
3. P!nk and Nate Ruess, “Just Give Me A Reason”
I felt like a damn fool even using an exclamation point in P!nk’s name, and that says it all. This is a song with shockingly high replay value and a great hook, but she of the cotton candy colored name ruins everything, because that’s what she is, a life ruiner.
Good for: Visualizing yourself in a verbal sparring match with P!nk and winning.
4. Demi Lovato, “Heart Attack”
Realizing that this song is in the top five of any list at all is going to give me a heart attack.
Good for: Testing if music alone can really have negative effects on your health.
5. Icona Pop, “I Love It”
No. It was pretentious enough before Lena Dunham got her hands on it, and now it’s worse.
Good for: Having a heart attack. Goes good with #4.
6. Rihanna, “Stay (ft. Mikky Eko)”
The song: pretty good. The artist: still batshit crazy.
Good for: A nice long cry into your pint of Ben & Jerry’s.
7. Selena Gomez, “Come & Get It”
I most certainly will not.
Good for: Nothing.
8. Fall Out Boy, “My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark (Light Em Up”
So, this song is still around. Shockingly little replay value.
Good for: Staying on the list so we can keep linking to this piece about our publisher’s Twitter war with Patrick Stump and Pete Wentz.
9. Bruno Mars, “When I Was Your Man”
The song: pretty good. The artist: insane.
Good for: Remembering that flowers are always good, no matter what she says.
10. Florida Georgia Line, “Cruise (ft. Nelly)”
Yeah, so this exists. Also, the lead singer looks shockingly similar to Scott Stapp. I think we know where that dude is these days.
Good for: Rolling your windows down and cruising? I don’t know, I’ve got nothing.