Bros, you know the Super Bowl is Sunday. I know you’re going to watch the Super Bowl. But … what if you’re not?
Just go with me on this one. We all know you’re going to watch the Super Bowl. But sometimes people go to Super Bowl parties because the snacks are excellent and are not really interested in the game itself. It might be super nice if you’re having a Super Bowl party, you may wish to offer counterprogramming in another room. Try it! It’s fun to take a Puppy Bowl break on your way back from the bathroom.
Here are some other things you can watch. Just in case. I know you won’t.
Puppy Bowl! PUPPY BOWL! There is a tiny bulldog in the Puppy Bowl this year. Sure, there is a tiny bulldog in the Puppy Bowl every year, but this year Countess is particularly cute. There is a puppy named Falcor that looks like the real Falcor. And there is a puppy named Miss Martian. It will be really hard to top last year’s kitten halftime show with Kitty Purry (not the real Kitty Purry), but this year will certainly be better than Coldplay, as it is San Francisco “cat”-astrophe themed. And chicken cheerleaders. A GD skunk is the assistant referee. Look, you have more than enough time to check it out before the game starts. But you should probably draft your puppy fantasy team now.
Puppy Bowl XII airs on Animal Planet starting at 3:00 p.m. on Sunday. There is a Puppy Bowl pre-game show starting at 2:30 p.m. if you need more awwwwwwww.
What the Kitten Bowl lacks in puppies, it makes up for in pun names. This year you can watch Howie Longhair and Stray J. Watt take on Jerry Mice and Mr. Meow Meow. Just flip back and forth between this and the Puppy Bowl instead of pre-game.
Kitten Bowl III airs on the Hallmark Channel starting at 12:00 p.m. ET on Sunday.
Lifetime is showing “Taken” and “Don’t Wake Mommy” during game time. I am not sure if “Taken” is the counter programming that will attract viewers, but I am also assuming this is the Liam Neeson movie and not an original Lifetime feature film. You’ll need lots of yogurt commercials to temper the inherent masculinity of Liam Neeson.
“Taken” (which I have confirmed is the 2008 Liam Neeson movie) starts at 4:00 p.m. ET on Lifetime.
There is a “Snapped” marathon on Sunday, but bro? There is a “Snapped” marathon every Sunday. Spoiler: the wife killed him.
“#killerpost” starts at 9 AM ET on Oxygen. It’s kind of liked “Snapped,” but not totally. “Snapped” starts at 11:00 a.m. ET. The new episode airs at 9:00 p.m. ET and centers around Sabrina Zunich. Spoiler: she killed her foster mother because she was in love with her foster father.
The E! Channel
“Keeping Up With the Kardashians” marathon, y’all! Did you watch “People vs. OJ Simpson”? Just watch that on OnDemand instead. John Travolta as Robert Shapiro is my newest spirit animal.
Watch “People vs. OJ Simpson.” Think about the likelihood of OJ Simpson having CTE. Reconsider NFL safety rules.
And as for halftime …
Oh man, halftime is going to suck. It’s going to start sucking as soon as you figure out that it’s Coldplay and not Radiohead (the second the music starts). Yes, Beyonce will in fact save the day (Mel predicts exactly how she’ll save the day in this Super Bowl 50 Prediction Column over on Rotoviz) a little bit, but look: Coldplay is still going to be playing even when Beyonce is out there. Bruno Mars might kick it a little but oh man, you still have to deal with Coldplay. So do yourself a favor and have Beyonce or Bruno Mars or Prince of Bruce Springsteen’s halftime show queued up and ready to watch instead. If that’s not possible, please watch this video until Beyonce hydraulically rises from the Super Bowl 50 halftime floor:
When things get sad because Peyton won’t win a second ring, it helps to know there are options. (You’re not going to switch from the Super Bowl.)