Bros! It’s Superbowl weekend! And you know what that means: we’re in for a bunch of buffalo macaroni and cheese! Yeah!
But it also means you get to kick back and watch $5 million dollar commercials in between the Panthers putting the hurt on the Broncos. What can you look forward to this year? Here is a sampler platter of 2016’s Superbowl commercials released so far. Watch them now so you can use the commercial breaks for snack breaks!
It’s a world full of Ryan Reynolds! Is he still married to Blake Lively? Which Ryan Reynolds goes home to help run her lifestyle website that she already shut down because she hated it? Thank goodness the Hyundai stops before it can hit one of the Ryan Reynolds or else the driver will have to hear about it from Blake Lively.
Aliens can go to an American history museum. It has an exhibit on Scott Baio. And emoji. Also guacamole.
Dope ass ladies like Serena Williams and Abby Wambach hang out in cool all black outfits around Mini Coopers. T-Pain and Tony Hawk show up too, but it really got me when a little girl proudly tells you to defy labels. Only commercial I cried at so far. (Note: Budweiser commercial as yet unseen. P.S. The Budweiser commercial may include a baby Clydesdale.)
The conceit of this commercial is that Pokemon is in fact real and you can in fact catch them all, so just do it. But not in a Nike way. You can do it. This commercial was very confusing to me, as I thought Pokemon were not imminent threats to our society.
Holy f’ing shit, it’s like Heinz just looked into my brain and saw a hundred wiener dogs in hot dog costumes running through a field to “Without You” and said, “That’ll make a great commercial. Just add ketchup.” Because that really is all I think about. This is my new favorite everything.
Get out of my brain, Super Bowl commercials! This one features a herd of sheep singing Queen, which is typically how I put myself to sleep. The point is the Ridgeline has a stereo in the truck bed. For woodsin’. (Note: do people go woodsin’ outside of the Pine Barrens?)
“Running With the Devil”?! Dope! I am totally a David Lee Roth Van Halen kind of gal. I really think they lost a lot of punch with Sammy Hagar. There is also a car in this commercial, if you’re into that. The car is apparently somehow special.
Axe is not just body spray to douse yourself in when you’re late for psych. It’s hair stuff and body wash too! Men are certainly held to different body standards if we can state, “Who needs a six pack when you’ve got The Nose?” If we’re being honest, this commercial was too much talk and not enough kittens playing in beards to keep me from getting up to check how many pigs in a blanket are left, now that wieners are on my mind.
TJ Miller talks to an orange slice. Nothing makes me more insane than TJ Miller (except “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.”) but turns out, TJ Miller and an orange slice having a bro-off will actually melt my brain. Now I hate oranges. And beer. And “Deadpool.”
What is more troubling than a Steven Tyler portrait made out of Skittles? A Steven Tyler portrait made out of Skittles hitting high notes in “Dream On.” (Also Liv Tyler raping that dude on “The Leftovers.”)
Somebody had to take advantage of “Hotline Bling” for a cell phone carrier commercial, and it may as well be T-Mobile. I unabashedly love Drake and wish this commercial had more singing and DeGrassi and less talking. Wireless carriers do in fact ruin everything.
The beer is teasing that “The Party is Coming” with a commercial from Amy Schumer and Seth Rogen. I hope the extended commercial is funnier than back hair.
LIAM NEESON! IN A COMMERCIAL FROM RIDLEY SCOTT(‘S PRODUCTION COMPANY)! I would watch this movie, although I’m pretty sure it’s just a phone commercial.