With just five guys left in the running for Kailtyn’s heart, the temperature has officially been turned up. And with Chris Harrison’s new stipulation of giving the final three guys a fantasy suite date before a hometown date, the heat of this week’s episode of “The Bachelorette” officially reaches the “lamb vindaloo” level on the thermometer.

We start the episode with Kaitlyn hanging out with Ben H. in Ireland, playing hide-and-seek. Although usually used as a method to get rid of the ugly kid in your friend group, Kaitlyn actually allows herself to be discovered by Ben and the two continue their date with a sit down inside a local pub. Inside, Kaitlyn and Ben discuss their issues with romance, and Ben admits that he feels that he’s not lovable because of his last girlfriend. And when the topic of a potential fantasy suite comes up, Ben admits that he “can’t wait to talk all night.” Kaitlyn’s virginity detector immediately starts to ring, and she asks him if he’s ever actually had sex. Fortunately for Ben and his shot at being Kaitlyn’s husband, he admits that he has and the couple laugh about it. Sure we can chalk this up as Kaitlyn being her playful self, but with all the attention she’s gotten for hooking up with lots of the guys (as she should be doing, you know, because she’s the bachelorette), the contestants have clearly have to be willing to put out to have a shot with Kaitlyn. Double-standards are quite the bitch, huh Ben?

After ensuring herself at least a lead-off double with Ben if she lets him into the fantasy suite, Kaitlyn continues her adventures in Ireland with Joe, Nick and Shawn. During Joe’s alone time with Kaitlyn, he unfortunately admits that he’s falling in love with her. I say this is unfortunate because after he says this, she immediately doesn’t respond for a solid nine seconds, which is never a good sign. “I want to be brutally honest with you, we’re not on the same page right now,” Kaitlyn tells a confused Joe and walks away from him. Joe hits her with the only appropriate responses: “What do I do now?” It’s super valid, as Kaitlyn gives no explicit indication if he is actually off the show or not. “I want you to hug you and say goodbye” she tells Joe, who is taken aback by this response, and curtly responds in the most gracious way possible, “I’m not saying shit to you right now.” I applaud the butt-hurt response by Joe, but I was sorely disappointed he didn’t depart in some type of cartoon rocket back to his Nickelodean world.

Upon his departure, a troubled Kaitlyn refuses to give either Nick or Shawn a rose, but offers Shawn extra time to spend together. Shawn and Kaitlyn reconvene in the evening for the moment we’ve all been waiting for. Kaitlyn feels it’s time for her to reveal her dirty deed of sleeping with Nick. I assumed like in past years of this show, she would dance around the issue and say “we made the beast with two backs”  or use some other antiquated euphemism to describe her night with Nick. Lucky for us, Kaitlyn is a modern girl with no filter, and simply admits “we had sex.” Shawn’s response?

It’s unfortunate that Vines only last six seconds, because only a full extended YouTube video would do Shawn’s stunned reaction justice. In fact, Kaitlyn and Nick probably could have gone for round two in the time it takes Shawn to find words for a response. Finally, he lets it out. “Do you regret it?” he asks shakily. to which Kaitlyn craftily responds “I felt guilt.” I’ve heard responses like this before, like when a child asks their mother “was I an accident” and the mom responds “you were surprise blessing” followed by “after a twelve-margarita happy hour session at a Chevy’s happy hour” under her breath. Shawn then does what any coach would do when Stephen Curry just drained back-to-back threes against his squad, calls timeout, and exits to the bathroom to regroup. And after a potential cry and some motivational words to himself in the mirror, he comes out and responds to her like a true champion:

“At the end of the day, I want to be with you, I’m going to man up and move on,” he concludes. You can almost see Kaitlyn’s heart melt with every word that comes out of this Ryan Gosling-wannabe.

But here’s the thing. In past seasons, we’ve seen contestants take opportunities in which the bachelorette slips up and turn it on them in hopes of exiting with the audience on their side and a shot at becoming the bachelor next season. Shawn is the first person to actually do the opposite. In a way, he’s putting it all on the line. If he wins, he has to go through life with knowing that his wife slept with Kaitlyn. Obviously most men subconsciously know that their significant other has probably had a few other guys in their life, but in Shawn’s case, a good 75% of America knows (I just assume that’s how many people watch this amazing show). But on the other hand, if he doesn’t get a rose, he forever will be known as the sucker that came back to Kaitlyn after she slept with his arch enemy.

Still, he ends up securing a rose from Kaitlyn at the rose ceremony, even after he takes her aside for a second conversation in which Kaitlyn firmly tells him “I know what I did and I’m not ashamed. You have to trust me.” And unfortunately we say goodbye to our floppy-haired friend Jared, who exits flowerless leaving just three contestants left.

We continue our adventure in Ireland as Nick and Kaitlyn explore a cathedral. But as they perouse the area, Nick drops the biggest Irish car bomb of the episode, and by that I don’t mean he spilled his drink. While together, Nick admits he has no respect for Shawn. Obviously this feud has been boiling over for a bit. But Nick officially throws a canister of lighter fluid when he says he can’t stand anyone who “brags about being eskimo brothers with a country singer.”


Let’s start with what we know. He’s obviously talking about Shawn, eskimo brothers are two men who have slept with the same girl, and country music is fucking awful even when you’re twelve jack and cokes deep. But who is this country singer shared a woman with? And would you really be proud if you slept with the same woman as someone who looked as punchable as this?

In any case, after Nick and Kaitlyn conclude their hangout, Shawn meets up with “the other guy” Nick in his room. He sits down and begins to criticize Nick and question his appearance for a second season on this show. While Nick attempts to defend himself for Nick simply responds “do you think it’s a coincidence that everyone hates you.” It’s a fair question. Sure we can’t prove Nick did anything shady, but if where there is smoke there is fire. It could just be the Guy Fieri effect, where instantly know you detest someone for no reason except for the fact that you looked at them. Unfortunately the scene cuts, so we must wait to conclude this battle between the Immovable Flannel and the Unstoppable Nose.

Until next week!