We’re at the homestretch of “The Bachelorette,” with just three contestants remaining: Ben, Nick and Shawn. And while Ben has acted as normal as possible throughout the entire season, Nick and Shawn have developed a 49er-Seahawk type animosity that nearly boiled over at the end of last episode. And to kick off this episode, the two continue their bickering. It ends with Shawn throwing Nick out of his apartment after Nick calls him out for bragging about sleeping with other women. The dynamic of their fight is certainly interesting: Shawn clearly doesn’t want to actually let Nick say anything, while Nick has trouble firing off his ammo. Nick ends up exiting without another word, and we’re off on our first date of the night and second overnight date of the season.

Ben and Kaitlyn start off their romantic evening behind closed doors the way anybody would: they take a stroll through the fields of Ireland and get chased by donkeys.

But after escaping Shrek’s sidekicks, the couple settle down in their Irish castle and … wait, let me pause for a second here. Isn’t it weird that the group has been in Ireland for essentially the past four episodes? I didn’t really notice this until it was pointed out on “The Right Reasons” podcast on Grantland. One can assume that the production budget for “The Bachelorette” is much less than “The Bachelor,” but do we really need to see the group drink Guinness for four weeks straight? Couldn’t they at least catch a ferry to England? Could we at least get some bros eating Lucky Charms with Baileys?

Sorry, rant over. During their discussion, the topic of age comes up, and Kaitlyn asks Ben if he thinks it’s weird that she’s several years older than him. Ben appropriately responds that he has no issue with their difference in age, and is mature enough to not drop any Demi Moore references. Instead, he addresses the fact that he’s trying to deal with accepting that she’s going through this exact experience with two other guys. Still, before she can even responds, he tells her that he’s all in and wants to make the best of his experience. Can you ask for a better guy? Seriously, this guy is not just an amazing dude, but an amazing dude who has accepted the alternate reality of “The Bachelorette” to be with Kaitlyn. Either that, or he’s clinically insane.

Following her night with Ben, Kaitlyn partakes in a round of golf with Shawn before their night together. Kaitlyn isn’t the best, but Shawn? How would I describe his game? Well, he dresses likes Rickie Fowler, drives the ball like Jordan Speith, and gets naked faster than Tiger Woods. Shawn’s no slouch when it comes to swinging the sticks (pun intended).

 

 

And just like El Tigre at the Masters circa 2005, he drills a near 20-foot putt and proceeds to chase Kaitlyn around the course with his flagstick (pun intended) waving proudly back and forth.

When they retire to their suite, Kaitlyn confronts Shawn about the accusations Nick had about him sleeping around and bragging about it. Nick gets, in his own words, “fired up,” and denies all of the events while cursing Nick under his breath. Shawn admits that he confronted Nick earlier and called him an asshole, and once again voices his concerns about “the other guy.” To make matters worse, after spending the night with Kaitlyn, Shawn walks outside to find creepy Nick waiting to confront him. Nick and an infurated Shawn step into his room and again, the dynamic of Shawn yelling over Nick while Nick tries to slander him on national television. The fight doesn’t amount to much, and Nick once again leaves after Shawn refuses to have a conversation.

At the rose ceremony, it almost seems logical for Kaitlyn to resolve some part of the Nick-Shawn rivalry by only giving a rose to one of them. “My heart is beating out of my chest” she says nervously as the rest of her body parts falls out of her dress.

But anytime you think for just a second logic is in any way associated with this show, it’s means it’s time to refill that glass of wine. Kaitlyn lets the rivalry embers burn between Nick and Shawn by eliminating Ben. Yes, Ben, the normal guy who has given everything to Kaitlyn while Nick and Shawn bickered like elementary school children. Here’s hoping Ben gets finds someone better now that he’s off “The Bachelorette.”

And finally, we’re down to two. But more importantly we get to finally leave Ireland and go to the exotic location of … Utah. Again, what the heck is happening? Aren’t we supposed to go to the actual hometowns of these families instead of shipping the families to the epicenter of polygamy? I suppose I answered my own question. This is “The Bachelorette.”

The family dates go awfully similar for both Nick and Shawn. Both families greet Kaitlyn with hesitation, both families have one member grill Kaitlyn about her intentions and both the guys admit that they’re in love with Kaitlyn. Overwrought with emotion, Kaitlyn ends the episode in tears struggling with the fact that she even has to pick between Nick and Shawn at the end of this season. Or perhaps she’s just upset that she can’t find a damn sip of vodka in the state of Utah.

Until next time!